(2011) *****
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| KISS my math! |
I waltzed into Horrorthon with the idea of reviewing Mel Gibson's Apocalypto to discuss indigenous rights, global imperialism and cultural homogenization as an aspect of horror.
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| even the film is an example of cultural imperialism |
BUT!
After much contemplation and a thorough interpretation/analysis of the rules of H-Thon, I decided against it. In determining what makes the horror movie genre work so well, I concluded that there's a difference between the Scary and the Horrifying. Paranormal forces, zombies, evil children's toys and malicious clowns are Scary – they jump out at us and make us scream, but we know they could never really exist (right?). Conversely, realities that include kidnapping, torture, rape, etc. are Horrifying to me because they are tangible; I know that people experience it outside of a movie set, and some encounter it on a frequent basis. The movies I enjoyed least this year had more to do with the harsh realities they depicted than their message. Why am I telling you this?? Because the most difficult and least enjoyable movie I watched this year happened to be an undisputed favorite among H-Thon bloggers.
Martyrs is the type of movie you tell someone to watch “if you wanna see some fucked-up shit,” knowing full well they'll take your word for it, watch it, then never speak to you again (well maybe that last part isn't quite true). Even though it was mentally and emotionally draining to compose a coherent review and publish it for all to see, I'm glad that I didn't wait until the end to post it because I wouldn't want to end on a sour, joyless note. Blood Harvest embodied the level of escapism that I wanted to experience during the month of October and then Martyrs yanked me back into a world o' hurt that I'd wanted to [temporarily] forget. I have to thank JSP for being the type of person who compulsively composes lists of music, books, etc.; he had a post-Martyrs lineup that helped bring me out of a depressed mood. Watching Re-Animator after that might have been the most awkward segue yet, but it kept me going.
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| Who's going to argue with a decapitated-but-living head? Answer: NO BODY! |
Before I begin the actual “wrap-up” part of my Wrap-Up, I wanted to share some number-crunching I did while hearing about the legendary Catfreeek's horrorthon-thon. I'll admit that I can't imagine watching more than an average of one movie per day in any given month, and this year Abduscias almost hit the 100 mark! Cat came in a close second with 92 – but let's see if they're not actually falling short of their true potential (if I had a mustache I would be stroking it thoughtfully right now):
24 hours per day – 6 hours (sleep) – 2 hours (eat, shit, write reviews) = 16 hrs per day to watch movies.
Assuming the average horror movie is 2 hours, this allows (8 movies/day) x (31 days/Oct) = 248 movies!
Following the 2 reviews per day limit means that, after the month of October, you would still have to publish 176 reviews (248 – 2[31] = 176). Everyone knows 176 = 16 x 11, so to be sure you make the deadline you can either publish 16 reviews per day for 11 days OR 11 reviews per day for the next 16 days.
To conclude this report, I give my best to Catfreeek and Abs – you're off to a good start, kids!
NOW, without further ado, here are my top categories for My First Horrorthon Wrap-Up:
Favorite Movie: Rosemary's Baby
Hidden Gem: 100 Tears
Worst: We All Scream for Ice Cream
Watching this movie was like pulling teeth; writing the review was like putting them back in, backwards and upside down.
So Bad It's Good:
(None. If they were just bad, they stayed bad. I wouldn't even credit Blood Harvest with this special title because it was predictable, forgettable and JSP seeks to perfect his Tiny Tim impression every time we're together in public. Maybe next year?)
Most Disturbing: Martyrs
I'd be crazy not to mention it somewhere. Even though I didn't want to publish it because I knew it'd be contrary to what everyone else has said about it, I'm happy to stand by my view and even happier that everyone was willing to read and accept my different opinion.
Goriest: Human Centipede 2 [Full Sequence]
Made even more entertaining to watch with JSP and 50P! Thanks for a memorable night guys.
Scariest: Insidious
I actually had to call JSP away from folding laundry to sit next to me. I think I gave him an Indian Burn from my fear.
Memorable Death: The Wickerman (Wickerpersyn)
Why, Sgt. Howie, of course! I always like seeing religious stiffies get stiffed.
Best Lookin' Monster: The Man with Fire on his Face from Insidious!
Avoidable Death: Torment
Right before R gets murdered with his own barstool, L could have easily said, “omfg babe look behind you!” But noooooooooooooooo... I think she wanted him to die.
Funniest: Re-Animator
By a long shot, too -- I almost tied this one up with Teeth because I enjoyed it as a work of satire; but Re-Animator just holds up better to a diverse audience as something equally creepy, crazy, and totally laughable.
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