Tintorera: Killer Shark!

(1977) *

Miguel and Steven are two gigolo Mexican shark hunters who are vacationing in a beautiful tropical region. One evening they meet Susan and they both instantly fall in love with her for some reason. Susan is into them as well and the three decide to take a trip on Miguel’s large yacht. Before leaving, however, Susan lays down some ground rules; (1) no other women, (2) no jealousy, and (3) no one fall in love. Mind you we are about 20 minutes into the movie at this point and I found myself yelling at my TV, “I thought this was a movie about a killer shark!”


"...and those are my 'rules' boys, now let's have some fun!"

Later, onboard the ship, Susan strips and lies in a bed while our boys decide who is going to have sex with her first.


"No, after you, I insist"

After many scenes of romance and suggestions of threesomes the gang docks on a beautiful island where they continue their debauchery. At one point they even go through some sort of marriage ceremony. It was around this time that I once again said (with increasing anger in my voice), “Where is the fucking shark!?” Then this happens to some of the islanders,


This is why you shouldn't have sex in shark-infested water

Fortunately for all Miguel and Steven happen to be there and they go after the deep sea menace using their awesome shark hunting skills. Some other things happen involving the romance and an unexpected death but quite frankly I’ve already wasted too much time on this.



Just look at that poster. From the looks of it Tintorera: Killer Shark! seems like it could sit alongside Jaws on a shelf and be pals, right? Wrong. Rather than giving us a riveting yarn about a toothy sea menace we are treated to a melodrama between two men and a woman with some (real) shark-a-cide thrown in every once in a while. As I watched this clunker I was dismayed to see that they were clearly killing real sharks. By the end of the film I was happy that the titular shark munched a bunch of stupid humans. In sum, if you want to watch a shark snuff film, which includes 70’s bush, than Tintorera (I vow to never have to type that word again) is for you.