Blood Harvest

(1987) **

You sure you don't want him at your 5 year-old's birthday?

Tiny Tim headlines this movie as Marvelous Mervo the clown – and a bunch of people get slaughtered. The two are not connected. When the bank forecloses farmers' properties in a small town, they refuse to help the banker's daughter Jill when she returns home to visit and finds her parents missing. Gary is her childhood friend and is very supportive, but becomes a little too close for comfort as the predictable plot progresses.

This Tiny Tim vehicle could use more scenes with Mervo in it to alleviate the 80s synthesized music, which never seems to end as Jill puts a record on and it turns out to be a continuation of the movie's soundtrack. It's like New Order recorded bad music in a collective effort to commit suicide.

 

This movie would have zero stars if Tiny Tim wasn't in it at all. JSP already touched upon the finer points of this film – namely, that Tim's appearance is the ONLY redeeming quality of Blood Harvest.

And to think, just a minute ago these 'hose were on you!

One only needs to see the first minute of this movie, which is another point JSP drove home by forcing me to watch – FIVE TIMES – a la Clockwork Orange. My glazzies will forever be burned with the image of Tiny Tim's painted mug and Jill's full bush as she steps out of the shower.*

*Note: Jill's relative abundance of hair down there earned ½ a star in the rating of this film. Woman power!