Terror On Tour

(1980) **1/2

It's 1980 and "The Clowns" are causing quite a stir in the music world. Their KISS/Alice Cooper influenced live show is a must-see extravaganza featuring an encore where lucky fans get "murdered" onstage. It’s all in good fun and the band is happily immersed in their sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle. The fun turns sour though when a maniac dressed like a band member starts stabbing helpless groupies whose only real crime is their affinity for clown penis.  

Terror on Tour is an exceptionally terrible film. The director assumed that the audience would overlook the horrendous writing and acting as long as a pair of breasts were exposed or an old fashioned stabbing occurred every 5-10 minutes. It serves as an example of the trashy excess that was a staple at the time but it's hard to stay mad with dialog like "that cocaine really made me horny!" 

I actually dug the raw 70's Cheap Trick sound of The Clowns and would consider buying their albums if they existed. I also approve of their clown-meets-skeleton makeup and their black and white outfits reminiscent of The New York Dolls. Everything else pretty much sucks though. It should come as no surprise to learn that the movie was filmed in seven days. The actors are equally awful and they all look the same in makeup. Hence once the killer is revealed it takes careful scrutiny to identify the culprit. 

So Bad It’s Boobs.